A Wedding in China

Last weekend I got the opportunity to witness something that many foreigners who come to China don’t get the chance to see-a Chinese wedding. One of our fellow English teachers Happy (yes that is genuinely her English name) at the school I work at was getting married and had kindly invited us interns to watch as she said I do. I was very excited to see her get married as I was very interested in what the differences are between the western wedding that I’m used to being a guest at and a Chinese Wedding. I didn’t realize until then that weddings seem to hold much more importance in western countries than they do in China…or at least that’s the way I see it after the events of last weekend.

Saturday arrived and it was Happy’s big day. I had troubles deciding what to wear because I am so used to dressing in formal attire to attend a wedding and my Chinese co-workers had told me that in China people dress casually for weddings. It just felt so wrong to put on a pair of jeans to go to a wedding! We showed up at the hotel plaza at noon sharp (Chinese people believe that lunch is the most important meal so banquets, weddings, important business meetings etc. occur at lunch time instead of at dinner time) and were ushered to sit down at one of many round tables on either side of the isle. Happy wore a western style white wedding dress. The groom walked down the isle and to the stage by himself to stand beside the world’s flashiest “minister” who was sporting a velvet maroon-coloured sport coat and a sparkly bow tie. There were no groomsmen or best man.  Next came the bride, not accompanied by her father or any bridesmaids. Instead of walking to the stage, the bride stopped halfway down the isle and the groom walked back to meet her half way. They exchanged some words (all in Chinese so I’m not sure what they were) and laced fingers and walked down the isle together to the stage. Next, the minister said a few words, a little ring boy came up to give the rings that were then placed on their fingers and then instead of a kiss, the groom simply kissed Happy on the forehead and the two shared a lovely embrace.

I’m sure by now, you have noticed a few differences in the way the ceremony is done but honestly, those differences are all minor ones. I haven’t even shared the best part with you yet! While all of this was going on, waitresses were serving all the guests of the wedding lunch. Bringing dish after dish to each table and people were enjoying their meal and talking and laughing and not paying all too much attention to what was going on on the stage. It honestly felt like I was having dinner and a show, not a wedding! If people were talking while a couple was exchanging wedding vows back home it would be considered utterly rude!  After the couple was officially considered man and wife the two of them went around to each table to toast that table’s members. Once that was finished the two of them disappeared and came back 5 or so minutes later, Happy no longer in her wedding gown but in a long red coat. Then, once everyone had finished their meal, people started to stand up, put on their coats and leave! Yes, leave as in go home because the shows over! All that planning, decorating, and money spent for literally an hour and a half of celebration and then everyone goes home. Us westerners were all extremely confused by this.  

As we were walking home we discussed how none of us felt like we had attended a wedding at all. It was like we just went out for a nice dinner in a fancy place. It was not the kind of wedding we were used to attending that’s for sure. It was pretty cool to witness though, as marriage is something that happens in every culture in the world in a different way. I will say that when I eventually get married I’d much prefer to do it in a Western manner but there are some aspects of the Chinese wedding that I find quite cute, like the groom meeting the bride half way down the isle. Them walking together to the alter symbolized them walking together hand in hand through all their future endeavors in life, which I thought was a pretty cool concept. All in all it was a great hour and a half of my day and I am very glad Happy decided to share it with us. She looked absolutely amazing and I am sure her husband and her will have a lifetime of love and happiness together!